Peace

John 14:25-31

I was walking through the grocery store recently and found myself pondering the notion of seeking happiness as a motivation. By motivation, I mean the thing we get out of bed for... the thing that gets us in our car to go to a job that we may or may not like. What is that deep and fundamental motivation for us? Is it happiness? Do we make the money we can make, do the things we do, have relationships with certain people--all kinds of things--for the sake of chasing after happiness?

I was asking myself this question as I passed the "Thin" Mint Creme Oreo cookies (oh my Lord, folks these cookies--refrigerate them and thank me later) and decided that I don't think I want happiness. I am not getting up out of bed to find my next moment of happiness. Sometimes I wonder if I even trust the feeling of happiness! I am a weird person, that is no doubt.

But what, then, gets me going each day? What am I chasing? While passing the ice cream aisle in Safeway to grab ice cream sandwiches (food might make me happy...) I decided that I am searching--no, yearning for something more than happiness.

I am seeking peace.

I have a hard time feeling "at peace" generally, but these past few years have really beat all of us down with so much social, political, and existential anxiety. Finding peace feels almost impossible.

I have commented before to my wife that sometimes I feel like I have no idea how to relax. I am constantly stewing with anxiety about something I might have done to upset someone. About the destabilizing of so many social norms I assumed would never change in my life time. About the vandalism repeatedly affecting our church. About how our church will walk forward in ministry and vision for all God has for us to do and be in the next 5 years. About being a dad.

When Jesus was facing the inevitability of his death and the certainty of betrayal by some of his friends, I wonder how anxious he felt. In the gospel of John in what scholar's call Jesus' "farewell discourse," Jesus talks about peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you all. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, nor let them fear."

"My peace" from a man who knew he was about to experience the most painful form of execution conceived by humanity in his time. "My peace" from a man sitting across the table from a friend who sold his life for 30 silver pieces. "My peace" from a man who knew that some of his friends at this table would deny they even knew him when it really mattered.

There is something really remarkable about this kind of peace--it's not a peace that you find on vacation or at a meditation retreat. It's mysterious. It shows up when everything is falling apart. It's the peace Jesus had on a boat in the sea of Galilee when facing the deadly storm that he calmed. It's the inner peace that allowed Jesus to not fall into the many traps laid for him by his own faith community.

This peace is best defined by what Jesus said after "my peace I leave with you." He said, "let not your hearts be troubled, nor let them fear." This is a peace that shows up when the worst feelings of anxiety stir up within us.

I think there is a fundamental difference between fear and anxiety, by the way. Fear is a natural human response to a threat that is in front of them. Fear is a healthy and natural human response. Fear can save our life. But anxiety?

Anxiety is different from fear because it is a fear response to a threat that actually hasn't happened! (Yet.)

I wonder if Jesus really meant "let not your hearts be troubled, nor let them be anxious." Because anxiety can take on a life of its own. It can consume us until we are responding to threats that don't even exist or never even happen. We can rage and spew anger as we descend into a fight or flight response against imaginary enemies or against threats that will never even happen.

I want to invite you to think about peace this week not when things are rosy and calm, but rather when you are feeling your gut twist with anxiety. Seek out the kind of peace that brings you into the present. Because when Jesus had every reason to have deep anxiety about his crucifixion, he instead was in the present moment celebrating a passover feast with his friends that he had been traveling with for years.

This week, how can Christ's peace bring you into the peace of the present and out of the anxiety of an unwritten future, so that you can celebrate the abundance of joy and blessing God has provided you in this moment?